sonora2sonoma

I have returned

from a place

where feelings needed to be constrained

and maintaining a professional demeanor was expected.

A place

where dispassionate presence

was a necessary tool

an indispensable technique

in order that one not be swept up

and enveloped

in the anguish

and the hopelessness

and despair

that was part of the fabric

of the lives of many of those

whom I was trying to help.

 

I have awakened

from a dream

in which I had almost forgotten what it felt like

to experience awe

to feel the joy of a sunrise

appreciate the tenderness in a mother’s smile

and the sparkle in a child’s eye

laugh with abandon over little silly nothings

and marvel at the lack of guile

of little children at play

A dream where I had become estranged from my feelings

to such an extent and for so long

that I had almost lost the ability to weep

readily

without warning

at anything hinting at the absolute raw beauty

the dignity, the humanity

of our collective venture

on this spinning clump of stone and blood and hope

that some view as a loving presence

the source of all nourishment

while others simply see real estate.

 

I have returned

from a place

where I had almost lost the ability

to feel the pain

of those less fortunate

whose legions rise

even as the republic sinks

in selfishness.

 

A life well-lived

is a life deeply felt.

A life without feeling

is an opportunity lost–

a gift spurned

a path ignored

an ode to sadness

and a litany of what might have been.

 

I welcome my tears!

I rejoice in their return

they remind me of my humanity

of the connectedness

that binds us to the consequences

of each others’ acts

and of the love

that is the ground of our collective Being.

 

There is little difference, after all

between the sparkle in a child’s eye

and the twinkling of the stars.

 

Tim Konrad

Petaluma

23 October, 2015