sonora2sonoma

I used to think I was unfeeling:

When, at age nine, my grandfather passed away,

I felt inadequate as I sat at his funeral

Unable to cry

While those around me were weeping.

Naturally,

As children are wont to do,

I assumed responsibility.

I felt inadequate,

Like something was wrong with me

Because, while others I knew were capable of expressing their emotions

I thought, based on my inability to express mine

That I had none,

Not realizing

That it wasn’t that I had no feelings to feel

But that I didn’t know how to feel  them,

That, in effect, I had lost touch with my feelings.

Many years would pass before I learned

This wasn’t true

That I did have feelings

And that, if allowed, they could announce themselves

In the most inappropriate moments

Without warning

Sometimes to my utter delight

Regardless of their timing

Or lack thereof.

So it is that

When the tears start flowing

As they did yesterday, over breakfast,

While reading about the burning of the Notre Dame Cathedral

At a local breakfast hangout

I take passing interest

In how my tearful response

Might appear to others,

As I, full of gratitude, give thanks for the gift of tears

That connects me

Through our common humanity

With my fellow travelers

On this great blue orb

As it courses its path through the heavens.

Tim Konrad

April 19, 2019

Petaluma, CA