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The president has been outspoken of late concerning his growing frustration over how Covid has been stealing his limelight and limiting his ability to dominate the headlines in the manner to which he feels he‘s entitled. While decrying the micro-organism’s success in garnering attention, the president, with unintended irony, told the crowd gathered at his recent campaign event in Lumberton, North Carolina, that people are “tired of such negativity.”

In another striking and possibly prescient reveal while addressing the threat posed to his ego by his microscopic rival, the president opined to the cheering crowd gathered at the same election event, “by November fourth, you won’t hear about me anymore.”

To uphold our standards of presenting fair and balanced reportage covering all sides of the issues relevant to our times, we sought to arrange an interview with the virus to provide it an opportunity to weigh in on this matter from its perspective.

The bedeviled bug was clearly bothered by the brouhaha but nonetheless jumped at the chance to be heard.

“That’s all I hear about now,” groused the galled germ when asked how it felt to hear the orange one vent his pique in such an aggrieved manner.  “Turn on the TV, what do I hear? trump, trump, trump, trump!”

“A plane goes down, 500 people dead. They don’t talk about that, it’s just trump, trump, trump, trump,” protested the perturbed pathogen.   Now clearly irritated, the particle persisted, saying “He’s even gone so far as to suggest we have a questionable financial relationship with doctors!”

When asked to elaborate, the micro-organism declined further comment.  

Vegas oddsmakers were reportedly at odds over how many microseconds it would take for the president’s twitter feed to light up like Times Square on New Year’s Eve following the interview, some predicting the time interval would approach warp speed.

No further information was available at press-time.

It would appear, based on the above account that the desire to dominate the news cycle not is a phenomenon limited to Homo sapiens alone.

Tim Konrad

November 2, 2020